I took a flight on U.S. Airways yesterday, from Phoenix to Portland. When we departed, it was 112 degrees Farenheit in Phoenix, so of course, sitting in one of the most decrepit of the fleet, we were in one of the many U.S. Airways planes without the little air conditioning vents. At the mercy of our crew, we sweltered as we awaited takeoff.
But the temperature of the plane is not why I write today. I write today about the snack boxes for which U.S. Airways has the audacity to charge $5.
Whoever designed these snackboxes has evidently never been hungry enough to contemplate buying one.
Because of a work commitment and a tight squeeze between meeting time and flight time, I had to skip lunch. It was with eager anticipation that I traded the rude flight attendant my $5 for one of the snackboxes she carried down the aisle. Like a kid on Christmas, I opened it to find the following contents:
- Two crackers
- Grape jelly
- Peanut butter
- A piece of cheese
- A can of chicken salad
- A fruit roll up
- Two cookies
- A napkin and plastic knife
I ate the cookies and the fruit roll up. Then my dilemma began. Where to spend my crackers? Do I make a little peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Do I use them to scoop the chicken salad? I settled to eat one and a half of them with the cheese, judiciously reserving the remaining half cracker for a couple bites of peanut butter.
Now, I was left with some grape jelly and some chicken salad. What am I supposed to do with those?
This is about when it hit me that I really was expecting too much of U.S. Airways. Who in their right mind would include in a snackbox no fewer than FOUR items that need crackers to make them edible (jelly, peanut butter, chicken salad, and cheese), and only TWO crackers for all of them? And who would choose to make those four items, for the most part, mutually exclusive? I wasn’t about to have chicken salad and jelly on a cracker.
I solved my dilemma by leaving the jelly and most of the peanut butter in the box, untouched. I decided to bring the can of chicken salad home for my cat.
When I got home, my cat was eager to see me, since I had been gone for the night. And I was eager to give him his special treat of chicken salad. He followed me around ardently as I got a plate and emptied the chicken salad onto it. Then, he walked up to it, sniffed it, and walked away.
Did you hear that, U.S. Airways? Even my CAT won’t eat your food!